Reflecting on 15

This date 15 years ago was a TUESDAY.     The night before the big surgery.  I had been waiting for 2 weeks since I was first told I had a baseball size mass in my brain that needed to be removed.   So Sept. 2 1998 was the big day.  In my mind I was going to have surgery and have some down time and return to work soon.   A BIG FAT! NOPE that is not what happened.   I never dreamed in 15 years I would undergo a total of 5 surgeries,  I would face an inoperable recurrence having to be treated with chemo and radiation.

So what was I doing this night 15 years ago???     Sept 1 1998 I sat writing notes and cards for MANY FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  SURPRISE right????    ( sort of an interesting looking back.  I think that  was  the official note writing creation and start of  GRAY MATTERS FOUNDATION and I didn’t even know it????   I know 1 person for sure  that still has some of her  notes from those days.  Of course its my MINI MEEEEEE  my daughter .    I wrote out cards for everyone I knew would be there.  I had them for my kids many for the days ahead.  I had them for my boyfriend now hubby,  my parents ,  my friends,   my x his wife and it included 2 versions ”  if I lived and If I died versions : )   ”   I had cards written for everyone I anticipated  would be waiting.  I even wrote group notes to be read aloud each hour to help pass the time and I wrote it as if I was talking to them.  I recall writing something like “STOP STRESSING  I am sleeping it’s all ok you will see me soon”.          I am told there was over 35 people at one point in the waiting room.    The hospital called the church  because our Chaplain was also waiting with my family and they asked him to please encourage limiting the visitors so the other patients and  their families at the hospital could share the waiting room.  I am told it was a tight fit.   Miles and Kellie’s grandma brought a wagon full of food so no one had to leave.   A huge surprise was my favorite deli and business clients delivered bagels.   I am sheepishly grinning  and thinking how funny 15 years later who would have THUNK!  I facilitate and help run the hospitals brain tumor  support group.  LIFE IS GOOD!  I reflect on every moment before and after and I can see where I was being prepared for this very day.  If I had not experienced my grandma’s death with a brain tumor I would not have known LIVING each day and the true appreciation of  getting that day.   I never dreamed I would take what seemed like a mess and make it my MESSAGE!   I could tell so many details but it would take a book to tell you it all.  WHAT???  a book hmmmmm  you never know.   I think by celebration 20 that would be a wonderful goal.   Tonight  as I watch the last 15 minutes before the official 15 years is here….  I say this ” If your just starting your journey 15 seconds ago , 15 days 15 months  what ever  just remember if it’s only for ONE!   one day at a time will always get you to the number , number of breaths number of smiles IF ONLY FOR ONE! .  A beloved friend of mine told me once life is precious .  Set plans , Put things on your calendar.  Have things to look forward to.     Don’t get stuck in the what if’s and why’s and look for the WHAT NOW????  If people could practice this before they HAVE to be in the midst of chaos well you know   : )    Life is precious treat it that way.