You learn who your friends are

I made a hospital brainbuddie visit.  The patient learned the GBM has possibly returned and  she needs surgery to determine if its treatment effect or tumor.   I brought a few goodies and some items to brighten the room.  I decorated the room engaged in conversation and then!    Bless her heart the tears and emotions began to flow.  The buddie began to share how friends from over 20 years are no where to be found.  She tearfully explained that not even one visit.   As I continued to decorate she shared how she went into this with a great attitude making sure everyone new she was ON IT!  She was going to fight this.    The most hurful part is her friend of over 25 years has GHOSTED her.  She explains:  friend says ” I did my research I know what you have ” at that point the friend turned into a negative Nellie and has basically disappered.   I shared that maybe the friend scared herself. There is alot of scary inormation on the web.    I tried my best to share how I agree its not right, its not fair & I don’t understand why people do that.  I can try  to relate with simular experiences and also pull from what I have learned from others over the last 20 years.  Very sad but loosing friends is a top 5 discussion topic in our support group and with other families I visit.    I encouraged her that the beauty of a support group specific to families with brain tumors is we live it and understand.  It’s the real life shared stories that connect us.   I told her how we become a family and friends not in place of the ones she has already but in addition.     We want you to feel hopeful not hopeless.   We want you to feel loved not alone.   Friendship shouldn’t end when your normal does. Creating a new normal is when you need your friends most.   I wrote this blog to share the story but to also encourage all of you who may be a friend to someone that is ill.  You might not know what to say sometimes  but  just a simple hello how are you today?   is better than nothing at all.   It’s scary I get it.  I left that visit with this thought:  I 100% agree it’s not right , it is hurtful and all the hundreds of emotions we can come up with.  Every story is different I don’t know her friend or the backround but the patient she needs to stay well and this is not good for her.   I invited her to come to group when she is able and make some new friends who “GET IT” and who will help encourage her husband as well & if the friend should suprise her and stop by invite her to attend it would help.    I will close with my favorite verse Proverbs 17:17 :  A friend loves at all times.  To all the friends or family who have disappeared,  Please don’t Ghost the one who needs you most.

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